Okay, okay, I know I have. But I just have to say it again, because most days I almost don't believe it.
Partly because I wake up before my baby. Jed putters around the room getting ready for work, and once he's all put together, he comes over to my side of the bed to kiss me good morning, which is usually when I wake up. The first thing I do is inch my way over to the side of our bed, and peer down at our little girl. Seven times out of ten, she's all cozied up in her little moses basket with her head turned toward the windows, snoozing away. The other three times she's cozied up, eyes wide open, looking out the windows at the morning... taking her first taste of the day. On those days I can't resist saying good morning to her. Which is when she turns her head, looks all around until she finds me, and then opens up her mouth in the biggest, happiest, gummiest grin I have ever seen.
And my heart does its first little happy dance of the day.
And that's the way our morning begins. Do you see now why I just don't believe it?
The other part of why I sometimes don't believe it is because our sweet little family is still not 100% permanent. We have one more post placement visit to make it through at the end of March, and once the paperwork from that is all done, our lawyer will go to court in Florida and ask a judge to finalize our adoption.
And though there's very little reason to be, I'm still scared. Because this beautiful little girl has been our family since the moment she was born.
No, no, before that.
She's been a part of us since that first phone call, where I dialed the number to her birth mom's home and she picked up and said hello.
But really, it was even before that.
Since the moment I read her birth mom's story, before we ever spoke, or met, and way, WAY before Annika was born, I just had this gut reaction, this deep down sureness, that we all were about to become a family.
And of all of the luckiness in all of the world, and just....miraculously...I was right.
So now, we continue to wait. Adoption is so much about waiting and patience.
I'm not great at patience.
Or, well, I used to be not so great at it. Now my days are so filled with the most immense thankfulness I have ever known, there's no room for impatience.
My mornings and afternoons and nights are swallowed up by the love and hope and respect I feel for her birthmom and that entire side of her family tree. I will never stop wondering at this enormous blessing they have given us. It is bigger than anything I could have imagined.
We are happier than we could have ever imagined.
So for now, we wait.
We nap together. We sing goofy, made-up, terribly off key songs. We laugh. We make animal sounds. We read stories about mice and firemen and trees and moons. We look at pictures. We yell Where's the binky?!! more times than we can count in a day. We do bath time. We do bed time. We cross our fingers and hope for burps. We count weeks. We marvel. We take turns holding her and get upset when the other one hogs her for too long. We talk about our sweet girl's life, and how she's so loved, she has two families! We plan adventures. We yell Where's the burp cloth?!! more times than we can count in a day. We get peed on. We laugh some more. We fill our days with every possible moment of goodness.
And we wait for it all to be really, truly, 100% official (even though it already has been for so so long in our hearts).
]]>
